An Interim Me

The back yard was alive with lights – the lanterns in the trees, golden and round, like thousands of miniature suns, stars and the moon, so heavy on the horizon that it was difficult to believe that it would be able to climb any higher in the sky.

Embroidered  quilts were spread out on grass dotted with chrysanthemums sagely nodding their yellow head. I was on fully white dress and you were on black, yes we were reverse. Realizing you sit here in front of me was the best feeling on that night. The awful truth’s being revealed.

We sat for hours. Silences surrounded us. Tiny gold doubt took root in my heart, I bet you got it too. And was it really right for one’s dreams to come true so instantly? Especially mine?

I saw a confusing gaze on you. I insisted myself that I should have not asked you what’s on your mind, but I just couldn't. You kept silence, even more silence.

Drowning myself into my palms and thinking how to explain the complexities of fate that have led me to reach this point. The point where I couldn't bear anything which was a fool feeling.  

Wish I could talk to him. Telling him something which was sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique post stamp hanging on the wall, staring the room.  Unfortunately, in the end I still couldn't make you speak. I let you go effortlessly. As flash as light you disappeared into the crowd. Forever.

Still convincing myself that this was just a dream, a bad dream like ones I've ever had just before you come into my life. But in fact I am fully awake. Somehow, the situation demanded an interim me, maybe a new me, just to build a shield to protect me.